The 2017 death list - People who've left early to avoid the post-apocalypse rush - Updated

• Graham Taylor 
• Gene Cernan (the last bloke to walk on the moon) 
• Rachael Heyhoe-Flint 
• Mary Tyler-Moore  
• Gordon Kaye
• Tam Dalyell  
• Erin  Moran
• John Hurt  
• Joost Van Der Westhuizen   
• Tara Palmer-Tomkinson
• Tim Pigott-Smith
• Bill Paxton   
• John Surtees
• Chuck Berry  
  
• Gerald Kaufmam 
• Martin McGuinness
• Colin Dexter 
• Ronnie Moran
• John Geils Jr 
• Ugo Ehiogu
• Geoffrey Bayldon
• Nicky Hayden
• Roger Moore 
• John Noakes
• Cheick Tioté
• Helmut Khol
• Peter Sallis 
• Adam West
• Brian Cant 
• Martin Landau
• Bradley Lowery
• Jeanne Moreau 
• Hywel Bennett
• Robert Hardy 
• Glenn Campbell 
• (Madelaine's) Brian 
• Bruce Forsyth
• Jerry Lewis
• Barry Norman
• Sir Peter Hall 
• Harry Dean Stanton
• Hugh Hefner 
• Tom Petty 
• Sean Hughes
• Joy Lofthouse
• Fats Domino
• Rodney Bewes
• David Cassidy
• Daniel Hegarty 
• Keith Barron
• Christine Keeler
• Max Clifford 
• Keith Chegwin

A very snowy Sunday (10/12/17)

Leicester City

Leicester have sacked Craig Shakespeare (allegedly the man behind the sacking of Claudio Ranieri).

Right who put an instagram filter on the sky?

Quite weird light this afternoon as dust from fires in the Iberia peninsula carried over by Storm Ophelia made the light go weird all over the UK.

The Sub-Aquatic Steampunk Weekend Portsmouth.

Long trip to Portsmouth a couple of weeks ago.

Actually it wasn't too bad: a stupidly early start and had to walk between Charing Cross & Waterloo but an uneventful journey otherwise. Got there a tad late and then onto the Gosport Ferry. On the other side it started to rain. Heavily.

We got there easily enough and had a good wander round & listened to music from Victor & the Bully, Captain of the Lost Waves & Mr B (also Alice's Night Circus was on while we were chatting to Kerry & Ash).

Lou went on a sub (the Alliance) and I entered the nerf shooting challenge: got 120 points & was 3rd ended the day in 5th so happy enough.

We also went on a really old sub & chatted to a bloke who makes & pilots 18m dreadnauts that fire at each other. 

We also discovered a superb beer - Post Impact Porter - from a local place, the Staggeringly Good Brewery.

Back to Portsmouth and taxi to airbnb. Bloke we'd rented off was in hospital so his mate let us in. Clean & comfy room.

Went out looking for food. Couldn't find greek place but did end up on the pebble beach. Think Lou re-setting my internal sat-nav broke it.

Finally found somewhere to eat which was a bit like the Brewhouse.

Back to room with brandy for sleep.

Up & out next morning and out for breakfast at Shenanigans Irish bar: doorstep bacon butty for Lou & boxty & sos for me. Really good vallue and the fried breakfast's were HUGE. We also spotted the greek place we'd been looking for. We were really close - just round the corner in fact!

It was nice & sunny day so we walked to the ferryport - the walk only took half an hour. My internal sat-nav had reset overnight and we got to the vicinity easily but every sign was trying to  point away from where we wanted to go. Got to the ferry in the end.

Found Tinker & got medal & badge from Asylum & had a quick chat then bought a Dr geoff medal from Malika. Listened to some short stories, including 1 that made us LOL. [We bought the book it was in too].

After more music we went to 'Cooking with gin' by Malika - it was good! :¬)

By the mid afternoon we were getting cold so we headed back to the station. Got on 1 southern train that went to London via Brighton then got off & got onto a SWT to Waterloo. Walked back to Charing Cross & back to Kings Cross. Missed 1 train to Cambridge by seconds then I spotted a faster one. Some right little twat & his scooter with some dipshit bint made the journey a bit shit. The fucking tosser9s) were even in the queue behind us for a taxi.

Some pix (not in order):

The 2017 death list - People who've left early to avoid the post-apocalypse rush

• Graham Taylor 
• Gene Cernan (the last bloke to walk on the moon) 
• Rachael Heyhoe-Flint 
• Mary Tyler-Moore  
• Gordon Kaye
• Tam Dalyell  
• Erin  Moran
• John Hurt  
• Joost Van Der Westhuizen   
• Tara Palmer-Tomkinson
• Tim Pigott-Smith
• Bill Paxton   
• John Surtees
• Chuck Berry  
  
• Gerald Kaufmam 
• Martin McGuinness
• Colin Dexter 
• Ronnie Moran
• John Geils Jr 
• Ugo Ehiogu
• Geoffrey Bayldon
• Nicky Hayden
• Roger Moore 
• John Noakes
• Cheick Tioté
• Helmut Khol
• Peter Sallis 
• Adam West
• Brian Cant 
• Martin Landau
• Bradley Lowery
• Jeanne Moreau 
• Hywel Bennett
• Robert Hardy 
• Glenn Campbell 
• (Madelaine's) Brian 
• Bruce Forsyth
• Jerry Lewis
• Barry Norman
• Sir Peter Hall 
• Harry Dean Stanton
• Hugh Hefner 
• Tom Petty 
• Sean Hughes
• Joy Lofthouse
• Fats Domino
• Rodney Bewes
• David Cassidy
• Daniel Hegarty 
• Keith Barron
• Christine Keeler
• Max Clifford

Click & collect my arse

What a fucking waste of an hour of my life!

Bought a military back pack from eBay to take to Portsmouth at the weekend & thought I'd get it delivered to the new Argos on the Eddington estate (often that way for nosh from Sainsbury's).

Saw from tracking data that it had been delivered.

Argos can’t find it (should say though that the staff were very apologetic about not being able to locate it).

eBay/PayPal did refund me but that's last time I use ‘deliver to Argos’ option!

Off to Mountain Warehouse this PM to get something else.

Update: got a 65 litre rucksack that normally sells for £80 for £36 as it was 1/2 price & then 20% off on production of a university card :¬)

Lost keys

After loading paper delivery into the cupboards Bruce somehow managed to lose the keys.

Given his propensity to just dump stuff down randomly wherever he happens to be it's a surprise that it hasn't happened before.

Toot Toot! Theresa Maybot Bus Tours

All aboard!

Material Science: I want to do it

Sure, if you want to waste your own time to do it your way, feel free to toss about wiping some fuckers arse for them.

As opposed to telling them to do it fucking properly in the 1st place.

Actually, it makes a nice change: Bruce doing the work and me sitting about...

Manchild

09.48 on a Friday morning & Bruce is calling his son to make sure he gets up ....

Mick, Nevill, Phil & Natalie

Good news is that Mick has a new job in Biotechnology. It's essentially doing the same thing as he was at PandIS.

Even better, it's CHEST-funded so he doesn't have to worry about making enough money to pay himself.

Neville is retiring as planned.

No news on Phil though. It's more than 3 months since the 90 day consultation period ended!

As Mick wont be going to Comm's there's a theory that she'll be placed there when her secondment ends.

Asylum IX memories

In no particular order:

• Bloke dressed as a pirate turning up & dancing as fire brigade band played the "Pirates of the Caribbean" theme
• "All Hail The Bishop of Squid!"
• Being declared an acolyte of the above
• Anointing with anchovies
• The unlikely couple and the cactus babies (succubus v succulent)
• Nearly collapsing towing suitcases up the hill in the hot sun
• Going on an old Routemaster between sites (uses to operate in Newcastle)
• Seeing a "Theramin" playing the "Star Trek" theme
• Chatting the 'Well' about the future of the festival
• An excellent billy band playing in the garden of the Lion & Snake
• Lady Violet Hugh onstage at the Engine shed & in the Castle doing the only 2 clean songs she has
• Bloke on Friday saying 'You're joking!' when she waved her pearls
• Watching the Queen's march and 'Shouty man', Ian H, being surprised by his daughter turning up as Queen Victoria (Malika's idea)
• Watching "Much Ado About Nothing" at 'Brass Goggles University
• The steampunk R2D2 at BGU
• Bloke at BGU winding up Lady Elsie about the medals
• Ghost stories and gins with Lady Malika
• "Granite"gin & the Spanish strawberry gin
• Standing from Newark to Stevenage due to the incompetence of the beardy bollock's company
• Lots of kids at Stevenage station
• Idiot child getting annoyed when we pointedly ignored her antics
• Discovering we were 2-0 up against Le Arse at 1/2 time in the play/match
• Tasty burger that took ages while Lou had pulled pork & burger combo
• Lots of pizza
• Breakfast at the 'Wig' - the porridge looking like puke
• Nice tea/coffee/teacakes at the small cafe near the 'Well'
• Meeting Mr Crighton & companion on the walk up to BGU
• Taking part in the Promenade & Jamie getting kicked out of it
• Eamonn being a shameless poser
• Eamonn getting spanked by SMG for being drunk and disorderly
• Martyn resting his gun on Lou's head/hat
• Lou only coming up to high bicep not Martyn's shoulder
• Amy Elizabeth Smith smiling at a child dancing in front of her on the way to the  Victoria
• Big, big soft wolf at the house
• The Low Sheriff of Lincoln
• Jamie et al reading the test-tube labels
• Alice's astounding rendition of "I don't know how to love him."
• The "Steampunkalo" (not copied from another work in any way)
• Susan wetting herself at Phil's magic trick
• Sam wearing boots completely unsuited to climbing stairs
• "Victor & The Bully" being awesome ('Bully' throwing his hat onto the horns of 'Victor')
• Not buying medals in the market that didn't happen
• Kid telling Tinker that 'There is nothing to see here."
• Wizard in the Westgate: Kid: "Dumbledore!"; Wizard: "Gandalf."; Kid: "No you're Dumbledore."
• Wizard later spotted asleep in front of a tree at BGU
• "Chitty, Chitty, Bang, Bang"
• Wacky Races team coming last s they were stopping to hand out biscuits
• "It wasn't me speeding officer!"
• Bloke with bike who looked like Jinna
• Thinking about a parasol holder then finding a sword holder that will do the job
• Selecting rabbit skin
• Lady Violet at the Flashman Rules Tea-Dueling: Bees in her bra; "My nipples are getting quite hot!"; the Safety Elf volunteering to help find bits of crumb that went down her front; propellor down
• "Man chuffed to bits" & 'Mornington Crescent' achieved
• Pies & Lincolnshire sausages running out at the Westgate
• Pubs running out of food on Sunday lunchtime
• Locals with jugs of Pimms moving their table regularly to stay in the sunshine
• "Victor & The Bully playing "Always look on the bright side of life" & loads singing along
• Being so many on the Promenade we had to double up; Malika asking if people could put their group's name on their banners; 'It's too long to fit'; 'Get a bigger banner!'
• "Captain & The Lost Waves" at the soiree & then the lead singer (Welsh?) turning up on the ghost walk
• Dragons galore: wooden walking stick; lady with huge dragon on back; eggs for sale at the illicit market
• The "Pilots Licence" exam - realising I was at the front & now had to lead off despite having no idea where I was going...
• Chip at the chippy on the way to the shed: good chips and nice fish cake with cheesy chips for less than a fiver!
• Dancing person dressed as "Scooby Doo" at the Castle
• Taling to a young lady with  "Cheshire cat" on her back who'd come from Edinborough with her Mum (she joined MFO for the Promenade)
• Lou buying purple goggles with the "Cheshre cat" n them (+ some nice hinged baubles to make into earrings)
• For once, not eating anything from Greggs
• Went to co-op for some bags and lady behind counter nearly charging £647.20 for 3 plastic bags instead of £2.20
• Rockets from the NSC care of Malika; "This is the British Space Programme ... Malika's going to kill me for that!"
• Phil stroking his shaft and waving his balls about
• Multiple "Deadpool"s including one on a unicorn in the William (landlord didn't know w it was
• "Deadpoolls"s mate dancing with a old plate camera photographer to music by  "Victor & The Bully"
• 'K9' being photographed by a tin plate camera process
• "West Ham" steampunk lady
• The 'spaceman' with the popcorn popping helmet
• Chap with the robo-parrot on his shoulder
• The bloke with the massive hand
• The lady with the merry-go-round skirt and the foam horses
• The lady with the solar system skirt that actually revolved (turning key on back too)
• The Martian Expeditianary Force with parading with Martyn standing out
• Martyn running away from a young lady
• Alice's flamingo umbrella
• Phil's world coat made by Baiba
• The massive mandala by the cathedral and kids getting their names added
• The 'Angel of Death' with black feathered wings and a cage with severed heads in it
• The lady with the cage backpack with Disney characters locked in it
• The lady with the octopus/kraken glove puppet
• Drunken arseholes climbing onto one of the knights & hoping it broke and either castrated him or sliced his cock off; being disappointed it was OK the next day
• Bloke playing sax in doorway of the Magna Carta
• Struggling to hold the MFO bnner into the wind, especially round the corner between the White Hart & the Magna Carta
• Fluffy in the 'Rudolph' mask
• Talking to Baiba about the banners she made for the White Rose, Sheffield groups etc 
• Walking past a child who said "Mummy I know she's a steampunk because she has goggles."
• Making the mistake of telling Phil about the dance f the 7 beer towels which he wanted Lou to re-create in the Magna Carta
• A HUGE spider running across the bed which Ian tried to catch with a cup
• Waking up and looking out of the window to see the Lincolnshire Wolds as the sun was just coming up and mist rising from the hills
• Finding the Roman wall behind the hotel
• Knitted 'Lincoln Imps'
• Burning rubber smell on train + squeaky noises ...
• Lincoln Imp on the legs of the knight by the William
• Asking Lou on bus to BGU if it reminded her of childhood trips to the seaside (beef paste sandwiches, cheese scones & ginger beer all made by her Mum)
• Little poodle thing wanting to get to know a dog big enough to eat it in 1 bite
• Watching a young squirrel casually wandering about the lawns garden
• Adult steampunk having a conversation with a 3 year old about how metal buttons could be a pain when they get hot
• Listening to the comments of people who've never heard Lady Violet Hugh's songs before & being pleased that a friend was such a success at the Soiree
• Discussing the pro's & cons of corset's & big boobs with Baiba
• Seeing Michael S by the Assembly Rooms & spending a pleasant 90 minutes with him
• Listening to some good tunes at the William IV on the quayside before heading home
• Woman at the quiz writing down the answers so she could read the books/watch the films

Cynical thought

Just wondering if it would be overly cynical of me to this that the latest nonsense on stilts from Davis & May is deliberately designed to be rejected.

The EU27 want to sort out the exit bill, citizens rights & the Anglo-Irish border. The government want to talk about post-exit trade arrangements.

They want to leave the customs union for a customs federation.

The EU27 have said sort the 1st bits then we'll talk about post-exit arrangements. There is the issue of customs arrangements explicitly hanging over the border but having an transitional deal just kicks that particular can down the road.

Any agreement has to be agreed by all 27 states (including in some cases both national & regional assemblies), the European Parliament & the EU Commission. Any one of these could veto any proposed arrangement (Ireland are already said to be unhappy).

I'm wondering if by starting off without a clue then producing papers with proposals that have a fly's fart chance of being adopted it gives Maybot an out: "Well we tried to get a deal but those meanies in [insert assorted names here] didn't want to play ball/vetoed our entirely sensible proposals."

Having your cake & eating it strategy

 I see that Maybot’s ship of fools is now proposing a ‘have your cake and eat it for an indeterminate time’ customs strategy.

Putting aside for a moment the fact that this is both incoherent & contradictory (and rather large probability it'll be rejected out of hand by the EU27), Maybot’s new idea is rather more to do with keeping the cabinet united than the customs union (which she plans to leave over an ideological issue with the ECJ anyway).

In an article in the Independent Sean O'Grady lampoons our 'position' papers as:

"These will be entitled: “Having Your Cake and Eating It – Trading the UK Way”, “Why Europe Needs Britain More than Britain Needs Europe, Honest. So Do As You’re Told”, “Have You Not Witnessed the Iron Will of the British People?”

The 2017 death list - People who've left early to avoid the post-apocalypse rush

• Graham Taylor 
• Gene Cernan (the last bloke to walk on the moon) 
• Rachael Heyhoe-Flint 
• Mary Tyler-Moore  
• Gordon Kaye
• Tam Dalyell  
• Erin  Moran
• John Hurt  
• Joost Van Der Westhuizen   
• Tara Palmer-Tomkinson
• Tim Pigott-Smith
• Bill Paxton   
• John Surtees
• Chuck Berry  
  
• Gerald Kaufmam 
• Martin McGuinness
• Colin Dexter 
• Ronnie Moran
• John Geils Jr 
• Ugo Ehiogu
• Geoffrey Bayldon
• Nicky Hayden
• Roger Moore 
• John Noakes
• Cheick Tioté
• Helmut Khol
• Peter Sallis 
• Adam West
• Brian Cant 
• Martin Landau
• Bradley Lowery
• Jeanne Moreau 
• Hywel Bennett
• Robert Hardy 
• Glenn Campbell 
• (Madelaine's) Brian 
• Bruce Forsyth
• Jerry Lewis
• Barry Norman
• Sir Peter Hall 
• Harry Dean Stanton
• Hugh Hefner

End of an era

Think it's finally beginning to sink in that something that's been a big part of my life (indeed both our lives) for more than 12 years really is over.

Last Walnut frame I did was for a M Lamb at 15.25 & the last Teak was for an H Abbasov at 17.35. She was nice. He was a fucking, smegging arsehole.

I won't miss the smegheads on the other side of the table or crawling round on the floor fitting feet to tables but I will miss the friendship and camaraderie on my side of it.

Hugely.

Large Format Printer

So the large format printer that Bruce has been whining about for ages has finally turned up (along with a laminator). He & Sue got it while Phil & I were packing up from GA/showing kis how to pack photos.

Guess who was the 1st to use it & has used it all bar one time (last week)?

Yep...It was moi.

Having done test prints I also did plans for Will/Rachel and some plans for John Holgate too.

After all that Bruce decided that it would be an idea to figure out how the laminator works. He did suggest asking Mick to show us & I said that that was quite insensitive but he didn't think it was a problem asking the bloke who is being made redundant how to operate machinery that will replace him ...

We got it working after a few false starts and it seems to be OK. Did some A1's &A0's to test it and I also did a big poster for reception which shows (not totally accurately) the paper sizes.

2016 v 2017

2016

The printroom must be open all the time.

2017

I've got to move Rob's stuff from Brighton and you're at PandIS on Thursday aren't you? Oh well, I don't suppose it matters if the printroom is shut as we're not that busy. Oh & I'll probably take the Monday afternoon off too.

32 years ago today

I was sat on the steps of Wembly waiting for the doors to open for Live Aid. I was with Rachel, Izzy & Gordon. Plus about 90,000 others & 1 small bear.

Sodding typical part 2

Well the printer is up and running.* Now we need to find somewhere for the laminator to go. Walked round with Sue & Bruce and settled on the from staircase area in front of Steve R's office.

Were then told by Will that we couldn't as they are putting another pointless pod in there. He did ask for alternative suggestions. Which isn't helpful and indeed he's rejected alternative ideas from Sue.

So now we've got nowhere to laminate posters not that we have the board yet anyway: Bruce was slightly shocked when I told him how much it costs & very shocked when I told him that the stuff PandIS uses is about £1k per box.

All of this should have been thought through before the machines were moved here ...

* Despite whinging for ages about getting a large format printer Bruce hasn't actually used it. I'm the only one who has printed stuff on it (test file) so far. 😒

And that's it - Part 1

Just done the last printing for PandIS.

300 x lawn forms for Nic & Carl. After 12 years and God knows how many senate, lawn & frame forms that's the last.

Feel a bit sad now. 😢

Sodding typical

Whilst I was off at the NMS training 2 TES kids how to pack photos Bruce & Sue collected the large format printer & encapsulation unit.

It's a bit old and beaten up but, after locating the power cable it turns on OK.

Then I looked at the connection cable that came with it: it's USB to USB. The only other connection on the back of the machine is an old serial bus. Either way there's no ethernet connection.

So we have to find a USB to ethernet cable, assuming such a thing exists.

Alternatively we'll have to connect a computer directly. Meaning that we'll have to move stuff around/remove it to put a table in for the machine to sit on.

Then we'll have to move emailed files via USB stick(s) to print from the 'puter (ie no direct printing from our machines). Any changes will have to be done on that machine too....

Update: We've plugged the machine direct into the back of Bruce's old mac (on a small table so other stuff has had to move too) while Bruce attempt to get a usb hub that includes an ethernet port. I found him obe in PC world that costs about £16. As this is the unversity he has to order one from 'an approved supplier' that costs more than double.

Michel Barnier on post-Brexit situation

Thoughts for the day

The Daily Express is, essentially, the previous day’s Daily Fail retold from memory by a creepy lunatic with a Diana shrine in his bedroom.

Light travels faster than sound, which is why every Tory MP looks intelligent until you actually hear what they are saying.

7/7/2005

7/7/2005: Remember the 52 who died, the 700+ who were injured and the emergency services in one of their (many) finest hours.

Last GA memories

Tuesday

Moving stuff in a thunderstorm. Getting so wet had to go to M&S to get dry clothes.

 
Simpers fucking up and not getting the tent set up properly (brought wrong sized roof) meaning we didn't finish until 6pm.

Wednesday - Friday

Very busy, especially on Friday. Burned through June stock and most of the July stock too (lots of frames fine but problems with the glass).

Joe hiding mounts so we thought we were out but still had some (Magdalene & Homerton).

Saturday

This bloke from North London turned up

Burned through rest of July stock + most of emergency extras we got from Bill. Matt & FOH team actually did do the tidying up before pushing off which meant that we could get on with taking the stand down (as colossal fucknuts, Simpers, were taking the tent down on Sunday. That's twice they've fucked us over).

Finally got finished about 7.45pm and went to Castle for a series of gins.

I also noticed this graffitti on one of the pillars for the 1st time (no idea if it's new or not)

Simpers

From Tuesday 27/06

Today was a massive cluster-fuck by Simpers. I know that the weather was atrocious but they could have started set-up yesterday.

To turn up with the wrong roof & then fuck off to do other things while Phil & I stood about waiting for hours was not good enough.

When they did finally get the floor in they only gave us 1/2 the tables. We had to chase for carpet to be completed & tables we ordered.

When I left at 6 (they'd been there since 9am, as had I) 1/2 the roof and the front were still missing so front carpet (finally laid) is soaking.


*and breathe*

Hard Brexit

The UK went to Brussels for negotiations and after a lot of waffle agreed to the timetable the EU set out.

Footage of the UK delegation

Davis confirmed that his 'government' were still determined to run the UK economy off a cliff by exiting the single-market & the customs union.

After nearly a full year of fucking about before actually sitting down, the next meeting will be in mid-July and, since the witless wonder clinging to power triggered article 50 & then called an election, the 2 year window is shrinking at an alarming rate!

BBC bods on why U-Turn Theresa lost

10 Reasons why it backfired.

Weak & Wobbly continues

UK
Theresa Maybot is still squatting in No. 10 and sort of pretending that the election didn't happen. She did go to the 1922 Committee and take the blame (well it was her decision & fuck-up). She managed to survive without being asked to quit. Just.

In the meantime she's a prisoner of her party & her cabinet: can't even fire her chancellor & had to bring little shitehawk, Gove back.

The talks with the deplorable DUP continue.

EU/Brexit
With all this confusion, the clock on Brexit is still ticking (after Shithead triggered Article 50 & then called an election). The EU side are getting increasingly annoyed & frustrated as U-Turn Theresa tries to form her "Coalition of Chaos".

David Davis has admitted that talks, scheduled to start on the 19th, might be delayed.

Senior EU officials are briefing that the British don't seem to have a scooby about what they want (maybe a product of Mad-dog May losing the election) and when they actually intend to talk.

The odds of a cliff-edge exit are shortening by the day.😟

I don't frigging believe it!

2016
Bruce states that the printroom has to be manned meaning that I don't do grad photo packing over the summer & Phil has to hire a series of temps to do it.

2017
14/06 Bruce says he's taking Thursday off and says if I go over to PandIS or take the day off too, it doesn't matter if the printroom is unmanned!

FFS!

Arise Lord Buckethead

There's a long tradition of 'eccentric' candidates in elections but this was the greatest yet!

Here's his manifesto.

And here he is with the weak & wobbly PM at the count in Maidenhead.

Wheat

So do you still thin that trampling some wheat is the worst thing you've ever done?

Dear Theresa May ...

Dear Theresa May.

This.

Regards.

Great Britain.

Hahahahaha!

So Maybot's gamble spectacularly backfired/blew up in her face!

It was a disastrous night for Maybot after the worst campaign in living memory has left her looking weaker and wobblier than when she started.

Maybot is now fatally damaged. The U-turn on a poll has left her without the mandate she claimed she wanted. Instead she's relying on some really unsavoury religious nutjobs (and former terrrorists) from Northern Island to prop up her 'government'. #StrongAndStableMyArse

On the other hand, it was a brilliant night for Jeremy Corbyn and the Labour party as young people who often don't vote turned out in record numbers. Perhaps the referendum made them see the point of voting, perhaps they liked the manifesto and decided to vote FOR something, rejecting the right-wing press' bile. For Jeremy Corbyn to succeed despite the vilification, smears ans outright lies from the likes of the Daily Seig Heil, Bum etc was remarkable.

In comparison Maybot was terrible: from repeating slogans to evading questions to making u-turns on policies in her (uncosted) manifesto, her campaign was a shambles. Corbyn has been through 2 leadership elections while May was crowned leader. The difference showed. Her decision to duck out of the Cambridge debate made her look frit and Labour exploited it to the full.

I also hope that this election will be the end of the BBC's weird, almost fetishistic, obsession with UKIP. Particularly on #r4today.

The EU will be laughing all the way to the negotiating table. 

No more cracking cheese for me lad.

The 2017 Death List (to be updated as & when)

• Graham Taylor 
• Gene Cernan (the last bloke to walk on the moon) 
• Rachael Heyhoe-Flint 
• Mary Tyler-Moore  
• Gordon Kaye
• Tam Dalyell  
• Erin  Moran
• John Hurt  
• Joost Van Der Westhuizen   
• Tara Palmer-Tomkinson
• Tim Pigott-Smith
• Bill Paxton   
• John Surtees
• Chuck Berry  
  
• Gerald Kaufmam 
• Martin McGuinness
• Colin Dexter 
• Ronnie Moran
• John Geils Jr 
• Ugo Ehiogu
• Geoffrey Bayldon
• Nicky Hayden
• Roger Moore 
• John Noakes
• Cheick Tioté
• Helmut Khol
• Peter Sallis 
• Adam West
• Brian Cant

Situation: Fugazi Cubed

It turns out that 'The Marketplace' has fucked up the paper order.

Jim only noticed when he was filing the paperwork that, while the order value was correct, the quantities were listed as zero. As a consequence the order effectively didn't go through.

Which means still no paper after nearly a week.

I've just had to scrounge 3 boxes from Megan so we can do the Lab's printing!

Deja Plus

Deja Plus is like Deja Vu but last time it was better!

Came in this morning and found that the card reader was fucked. Again.

This time it was all the card readers throughout the building.

John Mayes had been called out a 04.00 and had been here since 04.30 with an an engineer who couldn't get it working.

New engineer came in at around 09.00 and it was fixed around 10.30.

Still haven't got any paper though...

Tom Hardy

Apparently Tom Hardy chased and caught a thief in London yesterday.

I really hope that when Hardy caught the bloke he growled "I have a use for you."

Situation: Fugazi Squared

Get in at 07.40 looking forward to a shower etc. Back door not working so have to go round the front.

Get in & find that card access to printroom doesn't work.

Test card on other readers at front & it works fine, so not it's the card.

Ian B comes in so I ask if he can let me in "There you go .... Oh!"He then goes to the stores & finds that's out of action too. Ian opens the hatch and climbs through so that he can get stores open.

After testing various doors it seems that the rear ground floor is affected. John M calls Chubb.

I sit down to wait.

And I wait.

And I wait some more.

Get a coffee from the Lab & let Megan know.

Send Bruce a text saying not to rush as can't get in. Bruce doesn't read it so when he gets in and is told he decides to pop into town to bits and bobs. Does discover that it seems a panel has shorted out.

I wait some more.

Finally get through to Phil around 10.15 & see if there's anything I can do over there. Neville hasn't had time to sort the lawn photos from March (and not done April 01 prints) so I go over, sort them out and pack them.

At 12.35 Bruce calls to say that the panel has been fixed. Finish packing & get some food.

Get back to RNB around 14.15 and finally sit down at my desk some 6.5 hours after first attempting to.

What a typical, fucking, twatting waste of time.

Just the start you want in a 6 day week!

Situation: Fugazi

So we're nearly out of paper & can't get anymore as the 'Market Place' is down. UIS runs this and it seems a some knobber did a software update that fucked it up. So Jim can't order paper.

He's phoned up Lyrico and the said they'd take an emailed PDF order. But Faye is away. Rachel can't be found. Jim is away on Monday too (but has left a message for Faye to do urgently on Monday).

In short, there's a load of printing coming for lecture notes and we don't have enough paper.

Not sure how we are going to explain that to CL, MSM etc....

All-in-all a typical UIS fuck-up!

Update: It turns out that lazy fucking arse Faye finally got around to doing the 'urgent' order after Ian B had gone home at 16.30. As a result we are down to the last 2 reams from the 2 boxes Jim had left. He's only got 2 reams of A3 & 2 of A4 left.

As the order went off on Tuesday the earliest it''l turn up is Wednesday.

A classic UIS fuck-up!

MPs

After the shock wears off, MPs face up to having to meet hordes of horrible common people yet again.

GE17

Theresa May seeing the results of the snap June election yesterday.

Surprise Election

Theresa Mayhem has just performed another U-Turn and announced a snap election on June 8th (assuming she gets the requisite 2/3rds majority in the house)!

Theresa Mayhem's logic: I’m fucking miles ahead in the polls, labour are a shambles & Corbyn wouldn’t dare reject the motion.

Secondary logic: If I get an increased majority I can silence all the hard brexit loonies in my party.

Afternoon

Bruce just came in (@ 09.48) and said "Morning".

"Afternoon." I added quietly.

Twitter posts

So we've just done the most spazz-brained thing in our history.

It's official: we've now done the stupidest thing in history & walked away from our biggest market, then asking for ALL THE THINGS WE FUCKING HAD LIKE ACCESS TO OUR BIGGEST MARKET.

Here's an image of the hapless Mrs Maybe triggering Article 50

Mind you, I still blame this shiny-faced, jizzbrained, spazztard pig-fucker for screwing us all over in order to deal with the gobshite spunktrumpet’s in his own party. #twat

Cunty Coscksucker

Yet again Bruce is hopeful that Monica will spread her legs for him.

Yet again I'm doing the work that any one of her 3 1/2 staff members could do.

Just hope the cunt appreciates this.

Very very angry.

PandIS status ... Shafted

So Steve's K & R, some bod from HR & Sue have officially told Phil, Mick, Neville & Natalie that they are being made redundant. Just to extract more urine, they want everybody to work until the end of September so that there's no disruption to the graduadion ceremonies before Nicholls gets his back-hander.

Personally I'd tell them i) they're taking the piss & ii) to shove working Saturday's where the sun doesn't shine....

Steve R had told Mick not to worry before Xmas & Sue had told me similar. I no longer truly trust either of them!

Printroom will probably be next.

The 2017 Death List [to be updated as & when]

The 2017 Death List [to be updated as & when]

• Graham Taylor 
• Gene Cernan (the last bloke to walk on the moon) 
• Rachael Heyhoe-Flint 
• Mary Tyler-Moore  
• Tam Dalyell  
• John Hurt  
• Joost Van Der Westhuizen   
• Tara Palmer-Tomkinson 
• Bill Paxton   
• John Surtees   
• Gerald Kaufmam 
• Martin McGuinness
• Colin Dexter 
• Ronnie Mora
• John Geils Jr 
• Ugo Ehiogu
• Geoffrey Bayldon

The Turkey's Have It

Old woman doesn't protect her subjects by vetoing Brexit bill.

Still the old scrounger will be dead soon so she doesn't give a fuck.

Nice to know my birthday will be remembered by future generations as the first step into our decline into pointless irrelevance & poverty ...

[Update: May's plan to announce it on the 16th was spiked by Nicola Sturgeon so it's going ahead on the 29th]

Another year dribbles past

51 ... How did I ever get so old?

Still, got the coolest thing ever from Gordon: a steampunk cryptex!

Crashed kid

Well that was odd: walking back from the food park and heard a crash. Turned round & saw a bike on the ground & then crying from attached kiddy buggy.

Walked over as the dad got the kid out & asked if they were OK. Unexpectedly the kid reached over to me (possibly because he didn't trust his father) & he let him go. Comforted the poor mite for a minute or so & then handed him back. Think that he was just in shock after being unexpectedly turned over.

The death list (updated)

The 2017 Death List [to be updated as & when]

• Graham Taylor
• Gene Cernan (the last bloke to walk on the moon)
• Rachael Heyhoe-Flint
• Mary Tyler-Moore 
• Tam Dalyell 
• John Hurt 
• Joost Van Der Westhuizen 
• Tara Palmer-Tomkinson
• Bill Paxton 
• John Surtees 
• Gerald Kaufmam 

Leicester create history yet again

Shock news during the Spurs v Gent match that Leicester had sacked Claudio Ranieri!

That's the manager who led them to a fairytale, 5000-1, title sacked just 9 months later.

Granted they are in trouble but, added to the fact tht he was the man who won them the biggest thing in their entire history, they could be 90 minute away from the last 8 of the CL.

It's mde a lot of neutrals & other fans who backed the Foxes last year want them to go down and some fans threatening a boycott. Way to go owners!

Interestingly, Ranieri is the 4th title winner to be fired from their job the followingseason. Out of Mancini, Bog-face, Maureen, Pellegrini & Ranieri ony the Chilean was still at the club more than 16 months later (though, granted, Bog-face retired).

There were lots of stories that the the Tinkerman had 'lost the dressing room' & players had asked the owners to get rid of him. Stories that Vardy et al angrily disputed. In fact they were so angry the took a couple of days after he was fired to deny the claims. Currently Hiddink & Mancini are favourites to take over. I hope whoever is permanent manager & owners tell the players that they wont be getting an escape in the event of relegation and that they'll have to play in the Championship.

To add to the fun, LCFC play Liverool in the next game and they might have a new manager & get the new manger 'bounce' that generally confers. Fucking great.

Storm Doris Day

Storm Doris was a tad breezy. Made this up to mark StormDorisDay

Reprieved ...?

After year of fucking about, Bellend and Shithead Nicholls' decision finally came into contact with democracy. And, it seems, came off second best.

After £30k spent on Cuntdip and 2 sub-committee's off the agenda, the decision as referred to the College's Committee. We were, ironically, doing a graduation on the same day as the committee met. We were wondering whether this would be the last one and weren't reassurred when Tim Milner legged it. Carl didn't know anything either.

Towards the end of the day Prealector for Wolfson came over to talk to Phil. He said he'd been told by the master that there'd been a long meeting (went on till 13.00) and that the decision could be summed up as 'No Change'!

The happiness that these words engendered was huge. Means that Mick & Phil still have a job (and Natalie still has a job to returnn to after the secondment). Months of stress and worry appears to be over at last. It's not official yet but we doubt anything will be put in writing (nothing about closing was). On the downide it does mean that we'll have to do GA etc after all LOL.

The decision (if confirmed/not denied) does raise a few things though:

• It's a serious loss of face for Martin Bellend as he desn't want PandIS & tried to get it closed down. Now he's going to face up to the fact that he'slost that and that we are staying.
• It's probably a blow for Knobhed Nicholls hopes of a cash bung from E&R.
• With the Cockcroft building due for closure in the summer, he (or more likely Sue) will have to figure out where we're going to move to (though might not be a rush as security's new building isn't ready yet).
• There'll be a political fight over accomodation over room for PandIS/other's losing space. Thre's also the issue of where stock and associated stuff will be stored.
• It's diminished Steve R's authority as he doesn't seem to have gone out of his way to help protect his staff (which hasn't gone unnoticed).
• Neville wont be happy. Not only is he not going to get redundancy, he may have to work full-time now (as Nat off doing secondment). He may now want to do this (understatement) and he may have to decide when to retire (can go to 67 but he doesn't want to go to 65).

Still, it's a weight of a lot of people's shoulders and now we can make some plans for the future (eg, dry processor to replace sickly Noritsu, new laminator unit etc)

Update AM 20/02/17: Seems the wazzock from Wolfson got the wrong end of the stick.

What seems to have been promised (by the university) was that the college’s would see no change following privatisation (ie not the same thing at all).

Phil is going to try and find out what the actual decision actually was ...

Paul Nuttall

So he wasn't on the board of a training charity.

He doesn't have a PhD.

He wasn't a pro footballer at Tranmere Rovers.

He didn't lose "close personal friends' at Hillsborough.

He did say that to the BBC prior to it being on his website, which he allowed his PR lady to take the blame for (looks like she just copied & pasted from the Beeb's site).

He doesn't appear to have lived at the address on his nomination papers (which is an offence & is being investigated by the rozzers).

His website no longer exists (though there are lots of cached versions around).

He actually ducked out of a hustings in Stoke because he knew he'd be quizzed on Hillsborough & his claims to have been there.

The Independent produced a brilliant cartoon

To make matters worse:

i) a women in Stoke caught a campaign worker pissing up the side of her house & was threatened when she told him off

ii) UKIP tweeted a picture of their #peoplesarmy campaigning in Stoke. Only for people to point out that the building in the background was in Bolton. #MassiveFail

Trump: a new week, a new fuck-up

 A "fine-tuned machine"

Trump held one of the most bizzare press-conferences in history on Thursday. He asked a black reporter if she knew & could arrange a meeting with coloured members of congress, attacked the pres & claimed that his administration was running like a fine-tuned machine.


Cue much social media shenanigans: Here's 2 from me

The press conference was so disasterous that the new nominee for the NSA post withdrew his candidature too.

#SwedenIncident

During a rally on Saturday* Lord Dampnut mentioned an attack in Sweden the previous night.

Which came as news to the Swedes.

Yep! Much like the #BowlingGreenMassacre it never happened.

Something that was pointed out bu Emma, the librarian who was curating the @Sweden account at the time. She ended up doing a lot of media interviews.

Cue much piss-taking on social media. References to Ikea, Abba & the Swedish Chef from the Muppets abounded.

Trump later claimed that he'd seen it on Fox News. That's right: the President gets his briefings from TV and, while attacking the media for "fake news" quoted a "fake news" story.

Funnier was Fox News responding that they had no idea what story he claimed to have seen. More worrying a load of his grunting nutty supporters took time out from wanking themselves to claim that the Swedes were covering it up!

* Why was he holding a 'rally' in Florida. You'd think he'd know that he's got a few years before the next electoral cycle and, in any case, you'd have thought he'd be a tad busy running the country, getting positions in his cabinet filled.