Latest from the Maybot's #BrexitOmnishambles World: We don't have enough compliant pallets to export to the EU after a #CrashOutBrexit!
No Pallets
Tuesday, 26 February 2019
Monday, 25 February 2019
Extraordinary mutiny
There were extraordinary scenes at the end of the League Cup Final yesterday when the Chavski goalkeeper, Kepa Arrizabalaga, refused to be substituted after being treated for cramp twice.
I've seen players being really unhappy at being substituted but I've never even heard of one refusing to come off!
OK it might have been a misunderstanding: Sarri thought he was injured but he told the medics he was fine but it ook some time for the message to get to the touchline.
Still makes Sarri's tenure on the hot-seat even more tenuous.
Next few days will show whether Roman still cares about the club or not. I can't see him being fired before the Spurs game. After that, possibly depending on the result, all bets are off.
I've seen players being really unhappy at being substituted but I've never even heard of one refusing to come off!
OK it might have been a misunderstanding: Sarri thought he was injured but he told the medics he was fine but it ook some time for the message to get to the touchline.
Still makes Sarri's tenure on the hot-seat even more tenuous.
Next few days will show whether Roman still cares about the club or not. I can't see him being fired before the Spurs game. After that, possibly depending on the result, all bets are off.
3 months late
The increasingly ludicrous PM has now signalled that the next/final 'meaningful vote' will be on March 12th.
That's more than 3 moths after the vote she hooked after getting frit & more than 2 months after her record defeat when she finally did put it to parliament.
It's also just 17 days until we crash out due to the triggering of article 50, which is entirely her fault.
In addition to the Withdrawal Agreement, there are at least half a dozen major pieces of legislation that need to pass through Parliament too.
That fact alone seems to indicate that, assuming she can placate the far-right & get the WA through, an extension to Article 50 might be necessary.
Even that's not guaranteed as the EU27 + EU Parliament have very little patience left. This hasn't been helped by the UK attempting to strong-arm individual states & side-line Michel Barnier. In the face of such behaviour the EU might just as well say no and move on to protecting Ireland etc from the shambolic crash out that's coming anyway.
That's more than 3 moths after the vote she hooked after getting frit & more than 2 months after her record defeat when she finally did put it to parliament.
It's also just 17 days until we crash out due to the triggering of article 50, which is entirely her fault.
In addition to the Withdrawal Agreement, there are at least half a dozen major pieces of legislation that need to pass through Parliament too.
That fact alone seems to indicate that, assuming she can placate the far-right & get the WA through, an extension to Article 50 might be necessary.
Even that's not guaranteed as the EU27 + EU Parliament have very little patience left. This hasn't been helped by the UK attempting to strong-arm individual states & side-line Michel Barnier. In the face of such behaviour the EU might just as well say no and move on to protecting Ireland etc from the shambolic crash out that's coming anyway.
Wednesday, 20 February 2019
Fromage being hypocritical again?
Welly-faced spunktrumpet Nijel Fromage went onto twitter to opine that the ex-labour MPs should resign & stand in the resulting bye-elections as they'd stood for one party/it's manifesto & now no longer represented that party.
The retarded cocksucker went pretty quiet when it was pointed out that he'd stood on the UKIP ticket but had left to join the fly-by-night Brexit Party and had't stood down to trigger a bye-election.
#HypocriticalCunt
The retarded cocksucker went pretty quiet when it was pointed out that he'd stood on the UKIP ticket but had left to join the fly-by-night Brexit Party and had't stood down to trigger a bye-election.
#HypocriticalCunt
Splitists 2
After the 'Gang of Seven' came 'The Lone Ranger' as Joan Ryan resigned from the party to join the Independent Group.
Then a small bombshell as Anna Soubry, Sarah Wollaston and Heidi Allen all quit the Toxic Tories to join the new grouping.
This takes them level with the Fib Dems though, in an interesting statistical annomaly the IG have 7 women to 4 men, the Fib Dems the exact opposite.
The 3 launched a pretty devastating critique of Theresa May’s handling of the Brexit negotiations, noting that that the Tories had lurched to the right, adopting UKIP policies and pursuing a hard Brexit. They also cited the fact that local parties had sufferred 'entryism' turning the Tories into 'BlueKIP' (something I've been calling them for ages).
They then turned their fire on the ERG for calling for Maybot's head then effectively running Government policy.
This is bad news for Maybot as it reduces her notional majority to 8 (and more resignations may be coming), leaving her even weaker & more dependent on whatever the ERG/the DUP decide they want.
We then had the sight of the 3 coming into the commons and turning to the left & the opposition benches.
Then we had the sight of Maybot (who'd had to tear up the script attacking Labour over the defections) and Corbyn pointedly not mentioning the elephant that was not only in the room, it was hovering over their heads trumpeting.
Resignation letter:
Then a small bombshell as Anna Soubry, Sarah Wollaston and Heidi Allen all quit the Toxic Tories to join the new grouping.
This takes them level with the Fib Dems though, in an interesting statistical annomaly the IG have 7 women to 4 men, the Fib Dems the exact opposite.
The 3 launched a pretty devastating critique of Theresa May’s handling of the Brexit negotiations, noting that that the Tories had lurched to the right, adopting UKIP policies and pursuing a hard Brexit. They also cited the fact that local parties had sufferred 'entryism' turning the Tories into 'BlueKIP' (something I've been calling them for ages).
They then turned their fire on the ERG for calling for Maybot's head then effectively running Government policy.
This is bad news for Maybot as it reduces her notional majority to 8 (and more resignations may be coming), leaving her even weaker & more dependent on whatever the ERG/the DUP decide they want.
We then had the sight of the 3 coming into the commons and turning to the left & the opposition benches.
Then we had the sight of Maybot (who'd had to tear up the script attacking Labour over the defections) and Corbyn pointedly not mentioning the elephant that was not only in the room, it was hovering over their heads trumpeting.
Resignation letter:
Tuesday, 19 February 2019
Confirmed
Honda have confirmed that their Swindon plant will close in 2 years.
The usual measure is 1 job in the factory = 4 in supply chain so that's 14,000 jobs going too.
Then there's the ripple of the jobs that are supported by the 17,500 jobs: all the restaurants, cafes, pubs, cinema's etc.
Still it's good to know that it was 'global trends' and not Brexit (that Honda repeatedly warned about) that is responsible. No sirree!
The usual measure is 1 job in the factory = 4 in supply chain so that's 14,000 jobs going too.
Then there's the ripple of the jobs that are supported by the 17,500 jobs: all the restaurants, cafes, pubs, cinema's etc.
Still it's good to know that it was 'global trends' and not Brexit (that Honda repeatedly warned about) that is responsible. No sirree!
Monday, 18 February 2019
A round-up
In the last few days alone (!)
- Theresa May lost another Brexit vote - one that was supposed to confirm what had been decided only 2 weeks ago!
- China called off trade talks with the UK, cancelling a summit, after Private Pike, AKA Gavin Williamson, said he was sending an aircraft carrier to the South China Sea
- The Seaborne Freight contract was cancelled after somebody noticed that they didn't have any boats
- The PM attacked kids protesting about Climate Change with Arsewipe Andrea calling the 'truants'
- Trade talks with Japan were nearly totally cancelled after a letter from Fox & Hunt implied that the Japanese were dragging their feet
Elsewhere in Asshatville
Serial fucktard Quintin Letts tweeted:
"Just skied from the EU into independent Switzerland. Quite disgracefully, there was no hard border. Not even a line in the snow."
As many pointing out to the dribbling idiot, Switzerland is part of the Schengen area ...
"Just skied from the EU into independent Switzerland. Quite disgracefully, there was no hard border. Not even a line in the snow."
As many pointing out to the dribbling idiot, Switzerland is part of the Schengen area ...
Splitists!
Before news of Honda's decision to close their Swindon plant broke 7 MPs formally left the Labour party to form "The Independent Group' citing Corbyn's record on anti-semitism, bullying & the fact that he's aiding a Tory #Crashout Brexit.
The seven are Luciana Berger, Chuka Umunna, Chris Leslie, Angela Smith, Mike Gapes, Ann Coffey and Gavin Shuker.
Somewhere in academia, there is a historian who wrote an acclaimed biography of the split that lead to the SDP, who has come back from lunch to find 197 messages on their answer machine from media organisations
Update 1:
In a fine example that proved the point of the 7, whichever chimp was in charge of the Young Labour twitter account debated:
OPTION 1: Express deep sadness that a number of MPs feel that the party has changed for the worse and ask them to reconsider
Option 2: Call them cowards & traitors
Then chose option 2
Update 2:
The new group got off to a terrible start when Angela Smith on live (BBC) TV when talking about BME people, said "it's not just about being black or a funny tinge"
Well done Angela, you've just overshadowed, if not totally torpedoed, your launch!
The seven are Luciana Berger, Chuka Umunna, Chris Leslie, Angela Smith, Mike Gapes, Ann Coffey and Gavin Shuker.
Somewhere in academia, there is a historian who wrote an acclaimed biography of the split that lead to the SDP, who has come back from lunch to find 197 messages on their answer machine from media organisations
Update 1:
In a fine example that proved the point of the 7, whichever chimp was in charge of the Young Labour twitter account debated:
OPTION 1: Express deep sadness that a number of MPs feel that the party has changed for the worse and ask them to reconsider
Option 2: Call them cowards & traitors
Then chose option 2
Update 2:
The new group got off to a terrible start when Angela Smith on live (BBC) TV when talking about BME people, said "it's not just about being black or a funny tinge"
Well done Angela, you've just overshadowed, if not totally torpedoed, your launch!
It's all going swimmingly.
Sky news are reporting that Japanese car manufacturer Honda is preparing to close its Swindon plant with the loss of 3,500 jobs.
In addition to the 3,500 directly affected there'll be many thousands more in the supply chain plus the businesses that, for example, feed those workers and their families.
Aside from the workers at the plant & directly in the supply chain the ripple effect will be vast. For example, to name a random sample, there's:
Reasons why this is happening:
I read somewhere that Swindon voted to exit by around 54%.
#TurkeysVotingForChristmas
Still, blue passports & a new 50p eh.
In addition to the 3,500 directly affected there'll be many thousands more in the supply chain plus the businesses that, for example, feed those workers and their families.
Aside from the workers at the plant & directly in the supply chain the ripple effect will be vast. For example, to name a random sample, there's:
- Lorry companies/drivers who transport parts
- Local cafes & restaurants
- Hotels for visitors
- Cinemas & gyms
- Local pubs
Reasons why this is happening:
- Companies like Honda came to UK as a base to sell into EU
- We're leaving the EU
- The EU has a trade deal with Japan (removing tarrifs on parts & cars)
- Our trade deal with Japan is currently going nowhere
- A #CrashoutBrexit will see tarrifs on parts & cars being applied to stuff made here plus the possibility of bits being held up destroying the JIT production line
- A slowdown in diesel orders (not Brexit)
- The free trade deal with EU (also not Brexit)
- Disadvantageous exchange rates (still not Brexit)
- A disturbance in the force (probably not Brexit)
- The Sunshine (also probably not Brexit
- The Moonlight (maybe Brexit)
- The Love and Romance (could be Brexit)
- The alignment of the stars (definitely not Brexit)
I read somewhere that Swindon voted to exit by around 54%.
Still, blue passports & a new 50p eh.
Wednesday, 13 February 2019
The Brexit Party 2
I do hope that Nigel's new #BrexitParty is being careful with all that data they've received.
It would be absolutely awful if they fell foul of the European GDPR rules & got fined for it.
It would be absolutely awful if they fell foul of the European GDPR rules & got fined for it.
The Brexit Party 1
On no account sign up to Nigel's new party (ww.thebrexitparty.org) and register with a fake name!
i) they screwed our country so we're responding in the most British way possible
ii) the amateurs really shouldn't allow multiple log ins from the same webpage
iii) sorting through the thousands of applications is going take ages 😈
Thousands of people have now signed up as (to pick some random ones)
Ivor Sawbottom
Ivana Tinkle
Ayam A. Raysist
Miya Buttreaks
Ivor Sawbottom
Ivana Tinkle
Ayam A. Raysist
Miya Buttreaks
Childish? Yes but:
[PS. by the way 0333 800800 is the number for UKIPs membership line]
Tuesday, 12 February 2019
2019 Death List Updated
- Dianne Oxberry
- Dick Miller
- Windsor Davies
- Jeremy Hardy
- Albert Finney
- Gordon Banks
- Karl Lagerfeld
- Peter Tork
2016 v 2019 #BrexitShambles
2016: "There will be no downside to Brexit, only a considerable upside.” - David Davis.
2019: 'OK, we're stockpiling body bags in case loads of citizens kark it from lack of medicine or food, but it's just a precaution.' - Stephen Hammond
NHS stockpiling bodybags
2019: 'OK, we're stockpiling body bags in case loads of citizens kark it from lack of medicine or food, but it's just a precaution.' - Stephen Hammond
NHS stockpiling bodybags
As a break from Brexit gloom some puns
I can’t
remember how to write 51, 6 and 500 in Roman numerals. I’m LIVID.
I went to that new Mary Poppins
restaurant last night.
Super cauliflower cheese, the
lobster was atrocious
I have a complex multiple
personality disorder. Some days I think I'm a temptress in a Bizet opera, other
days I'm convinced that I’m the head of the German Luftwaffe in WW2...
I’m really not sure if I'm
Carmen or Goering...
I'm dating a girl from the zoo
I think she's a keeper
That awkward moment when you
tell a chemistry joke and you get no reaction.
I guess all the good chemistry
puns argon.
Teacher: Can anyone tell me any
African countries that sell Nike and Adidas trainers?
Little Johnny: Angola?
Teacher: No, just Nike and
Adidas.
A friend of mine tried to annoy
me with bird puns.
I soon realised that toucan
play at that game.
Marvin Gaye kept a sheep in my
vineyard.
He’d herd it through the
grapevine....
An anagram is just a manager
who can't spell.
Mussorgski's famous opera about
a Russia Tsar was poorly received by critics after its first performance.
They thought it just wasn't
Godunov.
On warm days, I love giant
windmills.
Massive fan.
I met a transvestite from
Greater Manchester yesterday...
He had a Wigan address...
A few years ago I invented
beach footwear for people with one leg...
It was a flop...
I went into the newsagents and
asked the guy for a Twirl and a Boost....
He span round and said 'You look great, have you lost weight ?’
He span round and said 'You look great, have you lost weight ?’
I took the wife to an Indian
restaurant last night. We ordered from the ‘C.S Lewis set menu’...
It’s like the normal menu only
naanier...
I've written a book called 'How
to be a Ladder Horder'.
It's a step buy step buy step
buy step guide.
I bought an algebraic tree
yesterday, it had a square root.
I tried to quickly cool some
hot steel today but I lost my temper.
I hear Neil Diamond has already
had 3 of his 5 fruit and veg portions today.
Swede, Carrot, Lime...
How many actuaries does it take
to change a light bulb?
How many did it take last year?
They're really strict and
thorough at our new shoe shop. The assistant measured my feet and barked
"You're an eight!"
I had to leave - I just can't
pee on demand!
I had a nightmare last night
that featured Gloria Gaynor.
That’s right: at first I was
afraid, I was petrified...
Went for an Indian with my
family tonight.
Apparently the restaurant was
once a euthanasia clinic, so while I was there I finished my naan off with a
pilau.
I refused to believe my Dad got
fired for Theft at his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the
signs were there.
Will glass coffins be a
success?
Remains to be seen.
Just got back from delivering a
roll of bubble wrap..
When I asked where to put it..
The woman said to pop it in the corner...
5hrs it took me
Going to put on a hat with bells and dance around for
60 seconds without any repetition, hesitation or deviation.
It's Jester Minute!
Apple is designing a new automatic car, but they’re
having trouble installing Windows
Just spent £300 on a limousine and discovered that
the fee doesn't include a driver.
Can’t believe I’ve spent all that money and have nothing
to chauffeur it.
I’m super friendly with 25 letters of the alphabet.
I just don’t know why.
Who made King Artur’s round table?
Sir Cumference
There was a kidnapping at school today
It’s OK – he woke up.
Man stood outside prison faces jail.
Congratulations to Mr & Mrs Edam on the birth of their baby, Belle.
Apple have announced a terrifying frozen product.
iScream.
The past, the present and the future walk into a bar.
It was tense.
My girlfriend broke up with me because of my passion for mycology.
I can’t understand it: she used to say I was such a fun guy.
Whoever invented the ‘Knock, Knock’ joke should get the No Bell Prize.
President Trump walked into a bar, which wasn’t surprising because Obama
had raised it.
As I ran through a patch of nettles I thought ‘That’s a little rash’.
I never eat snails for lunch because in the afternoon I’m sluggish.
I listened to a bit of ‘Water Music’ earlier.
To be honest I couldn’t Handle it.
The only animal in our local zoo is a dog.
It’s a shitzu.
There was once a group of religious people who campaigned against indoor
plumbing.
They were cisternshun monks.
I went to an interesting presentation at a wheelwrights this morning.
The bloke doing it was their spokesman.
Two thieves have stolen a cement mixer police are
looking for hardened criminals.
My daughter just said "look Dad, there's a dalmation."
I said "well spotted."
What's green, sings rock n roll music and lives at the
bottom of your garden? Elvis Cressly.
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