If you've just turned on to the Shaved Gorilla (and Domenic Cumstain's other minions) here's a handy translator:
'Fund our priorities' - please don't ask about the funding as Saj hasn't figured out how to use the Treasury abacus yet
'Let me be clear' - I'm making this bit up as I go along so don't try and follow it, much less assume there's any coherent logic
'Undemocratic' - this is actually the opposite (and I voted for it at least once)
'Proroguing' - fucking the thing we claimed we wanted over to stop MPs following my example
'Negotiations are ongoing' - theres no negotiations & even if there were it would be for suggestions for the name of my new dog
'The people' - my advisors (generally my chums from Eton and/or the city, though not that pig enthusiast obviously)
'The will of people' -- the demented opinions of 90 thousand elderly racists who inexplicably elected me as leader
'The country' - a nice view Carrie and I can see from our bedroom window at Chequers
'Chaos' - the new normal
'Kent' - is that the lorry park place?
'The North' - somewhere above Watford where they talk funny and the food is frightful
'Aldi' - one of those German car manufacturers who are going to ride to our rescue?
'Cripes' - look you know I was shit so why are surprised it's all going Pete Tong?
'I will be consulting with my colleagues in Belfast' - I'm really looking forward to visiting the "Game Of Thrones" set and sitting in the spiky chair
'I will be consulting with the Scottish First Minister' - I'll be asking Nicolas if Jacob can open next year's Fringe with his brilliant comedy stylings
'We'll sign a fantastic trade deal' - you don't seriously think I'll be eating chlorinated chicken or hormone-fed beef do you ?
'Unelected beauracrat' - Shhh! Domenic might hear you!
'Black Lace' - one of the seminal musical talents of the past millennium
'Criminals will be punished' - not us obviously. Priti has been working on asylum in Israel for years
'My honourable predecessors' - are all bastards who have no place in our party
'The Brexit Party' - we've fucked Nigel again by simply stealing his policies and claiming they're our ideas LOL
'The Queen' - did you know she eats swans?
'Donald Trump' - look, just don't tell him anything I said about him or that head-muppet
'Emmanuel Macron' - an older women is just weird
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