Hahahaha - how do you like them apples dickhead?

Boris Johnson lost his first crunch vote as PM by a margin of 27 as the Commons voted to wrest his illusory control from him.

All the lies, all the threats to deselect MPs, the plan to prorogue parliament came home to roost.

After one of the most inept sessions at the dispatch box* Tory MPs had had enough. Indeed during the debate the Right Dishonourable Member for Somerset was so bored he was photographed lying across the front bench.

After the vote a bewildered Johnson, spitting like one of those weird dinosaurs in Jurassic Park, said he didn't want a election but would move for one anyway.

The trouble is he's lied so often that not a single soul in the house or indeed on the Tory benches believed him. 

Not surprising since he'd sworn he didn't want to prorogue Parliament but it has emerged earlier in the day that he'd signed off on the plan 2 weeks before asking the Queen.

Corbyn was having none of it & pointedly said that he'd only back a move to amend the Fixed Term Parliament Act once the bill legally blocking no deal was signed into law.

In other words, Johnson could go boil his head. 

There is some sense in this: by letting Johnson stew in his own juices the country could see what a tool he was, would blame him for the omnishambles & would then vote accordingly.

Number 10 followed through with their threat to remove the whip from, among others Sir Nicholas Soames - the grandson of Churchill. Churchill is the man Johnson imagines he is but unfortunately he'd lose out in a Churchill-alike contest to a nodding car insurance dog.

One person was happy at the end of the night - despite voting for the crook who took her down Maybot was smiling from ear-to-ear as she left.

There's a good sketch from John Crace here: John Crace sketch

It must be hard for Bellend Bozzer: he's spent his life lying, backstabbing & fucking over and the prize he so desperately wanted turns out to be a poisoned chalice that's in the hands of (ironically) an unelected beauracrat, Domenic Cumstain.

Worse, having spent alll that time fucking over, he could go down as the shortest-lived PM in history and the worse than his predecessor.

* Which included Phillip Lee switching to the FibDems live & in the middle of the PMs speech, which robbed him of his majority.