Tuesday, 24 September 2019
Rees-Smug
Just imagine, imagine being Jacob Rees-Mogg.
You live out your entire adult life an Edwardian pastiche of a Tory MP.
Five minutes in the cabinet and the Supreme Court finds you’ve openly lied to the Queen to please a man you know to be a despicable cad.
You live out your entire adult life an Edwardian pastiche of a Tory MP.
Five minutes in the cabinet and the Supreme Court finds you’ve openly lied to the Queen to please a man you know to be a despicable cad.
Johnson loses again - this time in the highest court in the land!
Supremecourt judgement: Prorogation was unlawful!
PARLIAMENT IS NOT PROROGUED. It can meet should it wish.
Boris Johnson’s advice to the Queen was unlawful. What a position for a PM to have put a monarch.
Not been a good week so far for the Deputy Downing Street Despot:
i) Mired in a sex & sleaze scandal
ii) Found to have lied to the Queen
iii) Parliament illegally prorogued
iv) Anybody else would have had to resign over i) but Johnson will probably have to resign over ii)
Imagine spending your entire life telling lies, backstabbing, fucking mates over just to be PM & when you get there you lose six votes and are officially judged a liar & a threat to democracy by the highest court in the land.
PARLIAMENT IS NOT PROROGUED. It can meet should it wish.
Boris Johnson’s advice to the Queen was unlawful. What a position for a PM to have put a monarch.
Not been a good week so far for the Deputy Downing Street Despot:
i) Mired in a sex & sleaze scandal
ii) Found to have lied to the Queen
iii) Parliament illegally prorogued
iv) Anybody else would have had to resign over i) but Johnson will probably have to resign over ii)
Imagine spending your entire life telling lies, backstabbing, fucking mates over just to be PM & when you get there you lose six votes and are officially judged a liar & a threat to democracy by the highest court in the land.
Monday, 23 September 2019
The Deputy Despot - he can do anything & the media will love him
Must be great to be Boris Johnson: There's literally nothing he can do that assorted gammon's, acolytes, sycophants and the press (GASPs) won't excuse.
Machine guns refugee orphan kids
GASPs: BoJo gets tough on immigration / Foreign immigrants steal British Bullets
Bends the Queen over the throne during the state opening of Parliament
GASPs: Sexy GILF proves she's still got it / A right royal seeing to
Abolishes the RAF & Navy, reducing the army to an elderly regimental goat called Colin
GASPs: Parlous public finances mean tough choices
Snorting cocaine off a rent-boy's buttocks while getting a blow-job from a transvestite
GASPs: Boris proves his commitment to gay small businesses.
Flogs the NHS to US insurance firms
GASPs: BoJo in Triumphant Trump Trade Deal
Caught on camera asking if Macron would be OK if he had a 3-some with his wife
GASPs: Entente has never been so Cordial
Pisses on a disabled homeless veteran
GASPs: PM puts disgusting scrounger in his place
Caught with next 2 election results
GASPs: Brilliant Boris Wins Massive Majority
Machine guns refugee orphan kids
GASPs: BoJo gets tough on immigration / Foreign immigrants steal British Bullets
Bends the Queen over the throne during the state opening of Parliament
GASPs: Sexy GILF proves she's still got it / A right royal seeing to
Abolishes the RAF & Navy, reducing the army to an elderly regimental goat called Colin
GASPs: Parlous public finances mean tough choices
Snorting cocaine off a rent-boy's buttocks while getting a blow-job from a transvestite
GASPs: Boris proves his commitment to gay small businesses.
Flogs the NHS to US insurance firms
GASPs: BoJo in Triumphant Trump Trade Deal
Caught on camera asking if Macron would be OK if he had a 3-some with his wife
GASPs: Entente has never been so Cordial
Pisses on a disabled homeless veteran
GASPs: PM puts disgusting scrounger in his place
Caught with next 2 election results
GASPs: Brilliant Boris Wins Massive Majority
The 2019 Death List (updated)
- Dianne Oxberry
- Emiliano Sala
- Dick Miller
- Windsor Davies
- Jeremy Hardy
- Jan -Michael Vincent
- Albert Finney
- Gordon Banks
- Katherine Helmond
- Karl Lagerfeld
- Peter Tork
- Keith Flint
- Luke Perry
- Magenta Devine
- Charlie Whiting
- Scott Walker
- Mary Warnock
- Ken Kercheval
- Scott Walker
- Rex Garrod
- Tommy Smith
- Lyra McKee
- Peter Mayhew
- Doris Day
- Niki Lauda
- Andrew Hall
- Grumpy Cat
- Jose Antonio Reyes
- Daley Mathison
- Paul Darrow
- Beryl Segar
- Rip Torn
- Rutger Hauer
- Barrington Pheloung
- Terrance Dicks
- Chester Williams
- Aron Eisenberg
- Jacques Chirac
- Peter Sissons
- Ginger Baker
- Stephen Moore
Tuesday, 10 September 2019
A thought: given that he's got a minority administration anyway, does Johnson NEED to the placate DUP? Indeed does he need to be constrained by Maybot's infamous 'Red Lines' either?
Ignore the former, compromise on the latter, get a different deal & fight an election on it?
Farage & his fellow travellers can & will yell but if it takes the UK out and, particularly if Johnson wins a large mandate for his deal, the BP threat to his right is neutered and there's nowt the frog-faced fucker can do about it!
Ignore the former, compromise on the latter, get a different deal & fight an election on it?
Farage & his fellow travellers can & will yell but if it takes the UK out and, particularly if Johnson wins a large mandate for his deal, the BP threat to his right is neutered and there's nowt the frog-faced fucker can do about it!
Monday, 9 September 2019
0 for 6
Boris Johnson lost the latest of six votes in as many days (twice on an election he claims not to want).
Even May's tenure wasn't this shambolic!
The two votes on the election mean that a poll cannot be mounted before mid-Novemeber at the earliest.
In other news the Speaker, John Bercow, announced that he'll be standing down on October 31st. Thus spiking the plans of Andrea Leadsome et al to break convention & stand a candidate against him.
It also means that this Parliament will elect his successor. In convention the Speakership alternates between parties so should go to a Labour MP but the Downing Street Despots have shown that they don't give a flying fuck about either convention or obeying the law.
Even May's tenure wasn't this shambolic!
The two votes on the election mean that a poll cannot be mounted before mid-Novemeber at the earliest.
In other news the Speaker, John Bercow, announced that he'll be standing down on October 31st. Thus spiking the plans of Andrea Leadsome et al to break convention & stand a candidate against him.
It also means that this Parliament will elect his successor. In convention the Speakership alternates between parties so should go to a Labour MP but the Downing Street Despots have shown that they don't give a flying fuck about either convention or obeying the law.
John Bercow To Stand Down
John Bercow has announced that if the house votes for an election later he’ll step down as Speaker at the election.
If not, he’ll stand down on at the close of business 31/10/19.
John Bercow has done the job as Speaker with adamantine determination to defend the rights of parliament & backbenchers which he leavened by a generous portion of good humour.
He's also overseen modernisation of the House (eg installing a nursery or allowing babies in the lobby). We were lucky to have him.
John Bercow has done the job as Speaker with adamantine determination to defend the rights of parliament & backbenchers which he leavened by a generous portion of good humour.
He's also overseen modernisation of the House (eg installing a nursery or allowing babies in the lobby). We were lucky to have him.
Will the Downing Street Despot Break The Law?
The Queen has granted Royal Assent to the law which requires the Prime Minister to seek a Brexit extension, preventing a no-deal withdrawal.
Earlier in the day the Government announced that the Prorogation will start early: at the close of business today (09/09/19).
There's also been stories about how Johnson intends to get around the law without ending up in the slammer.
One of the more risible theories relies on using the European Human Rights Act!
Earlier in the day the Government announced that the Prorogation will start early: at the close of business today (09/09/19).
There's also been stories about how Johnson intends to get around the law without ending up in the slammer.
One of the more risible theories relies on using the European Human Rights Act!
Wednesday, 4 September 2019
Siri, show me what an arrogant twat looks like
I wanted either:
Bacon Rees-Smug to wake with a start, look round and whisper "Oh Boy!"
or
MPs to quietly tip-toe out & dim the lights. Then put on 'Planet of The Apes' masks & tip-toe back in & raise the lights & see how long it takes him to notice and/or run from the chamber screaming. 😈
Johnson-speak: a translation guide
If you've just turned on to the Shaved Gorilla (and Domenic Cumstain's other minions) here's a handy translator:
'Fund our priorities' - please don't ask about the funding as Saj hasn't figured out how to use the Treasury abacus yet
'Let me be clear' - I'm making this bit up as I go along so don't try and follow it, much less assume there's any coherent logic
'Undemocratic' - this is actually the opposite (and I voted for it at least once)
'Proroguing' - fucking the thing we claimed we wanted over to stop MPs following my example
'Negotiations are ongoing' - theres no negotiations & even if there were it would be for suggestions for the name of my new dog
'The people' - my advisors (generally my chums from Eton and/or the city, though not that pig enthusiast obviously)
'The will of people' -- the demented opinions of 90 thousand elderly racists who inexplicably elected me as leader
'The country' - a nice view Carrie and I can see from our bedroom window at Chequers
'Chaos' - the new normal
'Kent' - is that the lorry park place?
'The North' - somewhere above Watford where they talk funny and the food is frightful
'Aldi' - one of those German car manufacturers who are going to ride to our rescue?
'Cripes' - look you know I was shit so why are surprised it's all going Pete Tong?
'I will be consulting with my colleagues in Belfast' - I'm really looking forward to visiting the "Game Of Thrones" set and sitting in the spiky chair
'I will be consulting with the Scottish First Minister' - I'll be asking Nicolas if Jacob can open next year's Fringe with his brilliant comedy stylings
'We'll sign a fantastic trade deal' - you don't seriously think I'll be eating chlorinated chicken or hormone-fed beef do you ?
'Unelected beauracrat' - Shhh! Domenic might hear you!
'Black Lace' - one of the seminal musical talents of the past millennium
'Criminals will be punished' - not us obviously. Priti has been working on asylum in Israel for years
'My honourable predecessors' - are all bastards who have no place in our party
'The Brexit Party' - we've fucked Nigel again by simply stealing his policies and claiming they're our ideas LOL
'The Queen' - did you know she eats swans?
'Donald Trump' - look, just don't tell him anything I said about him or that head-muppet
'Emmanuel Macron' - an older women is just weird
Hahahaha - how do you like them apples dickhead?
Boris Johnson lost his first crunch vote as PM by a margin of 27 as the Commons voted to wrest his illusory control from him.
All the lies, all the threats to deselect MPs, the plan to prorogue parliament came home to roost.
After one of the most inept sessions at the dispatch box* Tory MPs had had enough. Indeed during the debate the Right Dishonourable Member for Somerset was so bored he was photographed lying across the front bench.
After the vote a bewildered Johnson, spitting like one of those weird dinosaurs in Jurassic Park, said he didn't want a election but would move for one anyway.
The trouble is he's lied so often that not a single soul in the house or indeed on the Tory benches believed him.
Not surprising since he'd sworn he didn't want to prorogue Parliament but it has emerged earlier in the day that he'd signed off on the plan 2 weeks before asking the Queen.
Corbyn was having none of it & pointedly said that he'd only back a move to amend the Fixed Term Parliament Act once the bill legally blocking no deal was signed into law.
In other words, Johnson could go boil his head.
There is some sense in this: by letting Johnson stew in his own juices the country could see what a tool he was, would blame him for the omnishambles & would then vote accordingly.
Number 10 followed through with their threat to remove the whip from, among others Sir Nicholas Soames - the grandson of Churchill. Churchill is the man Johnson imagines he is but unfortunately he'd lose out in a Churchill-alike contest to a nodding car insurance dog.
One person was happy at the end of the night - despite voting for the crook who took her down Maybot was smiling from ear-to-ear as she left.
There's a good sketch from John Crace here: John Crace sketch
It must be hard for Bellend Bozzer: he's spent his life lying, backstabbing & fucking over and the prize he so desperately wanted turns out to be a poisoned chalice that's in the hands of (ironically) an unelected beauracrat, Domenic Cumstain.
Worse, having spent alll that time fucking over, he could go down as the shortest-lived PM in history and the worse than his predecessor.
* Which included Phillip Lee switching to the FibDems live & in the middle of the PMs speech, which robbed him of his majority.
All the lies, all the threats to deselect MPs, the plan to prorogue parliament came home to roost.
After one of the most inept sessions at the dispatch box* Tory MPs had had enough. Indeed during the debate the Right Dishonourable Member for Somerset was so bored he was photographed lying across the front bench.
After the vote a bewildered Johnson, spitting like one of those weird dinosaurs in Jurassic Park, said he didn't want a election but would move for one anyway.
The trouble is he's lied so often that not a single soul in the house or indeed on the Tory benches believed him.
Not surprising since he'd sworn he didn't want to prorogue Parliament but it has emerged earlier in the day that he'd signed off on the plan 2 weeks before asking the Queen.
Corbyn was having none of it & pointedly said that he'd only back a move to amend the Fixed Term Parliament Act once the bill legally blocking no deal was signed into law.
In other words, Johnson could go boil his head.
There is some sense in this: by letting Johnson stew in his own juices the country could see what a tool he was, would blame him for the omnishambles & would then vote accordingly.
Number 10 followed through with their threat to remove the whip from, among others Sir Nicholas Soames - the grandson of Churchill. Churchill is the man Johnson imagines he is but unfortunately he'd lose out in a Churchill-alike contest to a nodding car insurance dog.
One person was happy at the end of the night - despite voting for the crook who took her down Maybot was smiling from ear-to-ear as she left.
There's a good sketch from John Crace here: John Crace sketch
It must be hard for Bellend Bozzer: he's spent his life lying, backstabbing & fucking over and the prize he so desperately wanted turns out to be a poisoned chalice that's in the hands of (ironically) an unelected beauracrat, Domenic Cumstain.
Worse, having spent alll that time fucking over, he could go down as the shortest-lived PM in history and the worse than his predecessor.
* Which included Phillip Lee switching to the FibDems live & in the middle of the PMs speech, which robbed him of his majority.
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