Women’s Ad’s
40-ish: 48
Adventurerous: Slept with all your friends
Affectionate: Irrationally possessive
Animal Lover: Mad cat lady
Athletic: Flat-chested.
Average looking: Ugly / Has a face like a basset hound
Beautiful: Pathological liar
Commitment-minded: Already picking out curtains.
Cuddly: Overweight skank
Contagious Smile: Does a lot of Ecstasy
Educated: Banged her Political Science professor / College dropout
Emotionally Secure: Medicated
Exotic Beauty: Would frighten a Martian
Feisty: Insufferable by the third date
Free spirit: Drug user
Friendship First: Trying to live down reputation as slut
Fun: Intensely annoying
Girl-next-door type: Fat, ugly, bitchy skank
Good Listener: Borderline autistic
Intelligent Blond: I got somebody else to write this
Light / Social drinker: Lush
Likes water skiing: You will have a big boat and a vacation house on the lake.
New-Age: All-over body hair, all the time
Nurturing: Smothering
Old-fashioned: Lights out, missionary position only
Open-minded: Desperate
Outgoing: Loud & annoying
Passionate: Sloppy drunk
Petite: Looks like an extra from the ‘Wizard of Oz’
Poet: Depressive schizophrenic
Natural Redhead: Shops in the Clairol section
Reubenesque: Grossly Fat
Romantic: Looks better by candle light
Social: Has been passed around like an hors d'oeuvres tray
Sophisticated: I know the difference between cream, ivory, and off-white
Spiritual: Involved with a cult
Stable: Occasional stalker, but never arrested
Weight proportional to height: Hugely Fat
Wants Soulmate: One step away from stalking
Widow: Nagged first husband to death
Young at heart: Mad old bat
Men's Ad’s
40-ish: 52 and looking for 25 year-old
Adventurerous: Open to kinky sex involvoing ropes and whipped cream
Athletic: Watches a lot of football
Average looking: Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
Boy Racer: Drives a volvo
Easy-going: Doesn’t mind tour sh*t as long as get’s nookie
Educated: Will treat you like an idiot all the time
Ex-Model: Was an Airfix kit
Family man: Lives with his mother and enjoys it
Free Spirit: Wants to hump your sister
Friendship First: As long as friendship involves nudity & nookie
Funny: That’s what my therapist says
Good looking: Arrogant
Great Sense Of Humour: Less funny than a bout of diarrhea
Very good looking: Dumb as a board
Honest: Pathological Liar
Huggable: Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Likes to cuddle: Insecure mama's boy
Mature: Older than your father / Bald
Open-minded: Wants to sleep with your friends
Open To New Experiences: Wants kinky sex
Poet: Wrote ex-girlfriend's phone number on a bathroom wall
Practical: : Good with a remote and a six pack
Picky To An Extent: I would bone a donkey if no one would find out
Sensitive: Cries at chick flicks
Very sensitive: Gay
Spiritual: Got laid in a cemetery once
Thoughtful: Says "Excuse me" when farting
Wild Love Of Life: Carrying an incurable sexually transmitted disease
Young at heart: Toothless old coot
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