Nicholas Parsons

May all your obituaries be be free from hesitation, repetition or deviation.

Fuck!

The Withdrawal Agreement Act has received royal assent today so the UK leave the EU next week.

Cue the evil Tory bastards claiming Brexit is done. 

Conveniently ignoring the fact that we remain in the EU till the end of the year.

The Death List - 2020

• Derek Acorah
• Russel Bannock
• Derek Fowlds
• Kobe Bryant
• Terry Jones
• Nicholas Parsons
• Kirk Douglas
• Heather Couper
• Catherine Cass
• Max von Sydow

11 days missing

I do wonder whiter the Prime Mobster’s vanishing act was anything to do with his call on Remainers to get behind his mental plans to destroy the UK?

You know, the speech that went down like a bucket of cold sick from a syphilitic hobo (for once, that’s said hobo isn't Domenic Cumstain).

Where Johnson has been hiding:

One of the worst bad days

The Yorkshire Post ran a story about a boy with suspected pneumonia being treated on the floor as there was no bed for him. The story was featured on the Mirror front page.

Bad enough as that was, the Toxic Tories managed to make it worse.

First Bullshitter Boris was confronted by an ITV reporter. Johnson said he hadn't seen the picture so the reporter got out his phone to show him.

Johnson grabbed the phone & stuffed it in his pocket!

That's right, he stole a phone live on camera!

He then gave a rambling answer about Brexit before admitting that the case was shocking.

He did apologise for pinching the mobile & returned the phone he'd pocketed.

The shit storm that followed this got even worse when the Pointless Matt Hancock was sent to Leeds to look like the shambolic shits were doing something.

Then a story was reported by Kuenssberg, Preston etc that one of his aides had been punched in the face. This came from the Tory side and they didn't check.

Then a video came out showing the "punch". In fact there were a bunch of protesters and one was gesturing when the aide accidentally walked into his hand. Far from being punched it was, at best a glancing blow, and said aide didn't even react, carrying on his way.

Understandably this made the situation even worse with even the hacks who fell for the story now noting it was fake news.

As all & sundry pointed out, the tossers had tried to come up with something to distract from the whole 'kids being treated on the floor' story had been caught red-handed creating a (piss-poor) fake news story.

2019 Death List - Updated

• Dianne Oxberry
• Emiliano Sala
• Dick Miller
• Windsor Davies
• Jeremy Hardy
• Jan-Michael Vincent
• Albert Finney
• Gordon Banks
• Katherine Helmond
• Karl Lagerfeld
• Peter Tork
• Keith Flint
• Luke Perry
• Tania Mallet
• Freddy Star
• Magenta Devine
• Charlie Whiting
• Scott Walker
• Mary Warnock
• Ken Kercheval
• Scott Walker
• Rex Garrod
• Tommy Smith
• Lyra McKee
• Peter Mayhew
• Doris Day
• Niki Lauda
• Andrew Hall
• Grumpy Cat
• Jose Antonio Reyes
• Daley Mathison
• Paul Darrow
• Beryl Segar
• Rip Torn
• Rutger Hauer
• Peter Fonda
• Barrington Pheloung
• Terrance Dicks
• Chester Williams
• Aron Eisenberg
• Jacques Chirac
• Peter Sissons
• Ginger Baker
• Stephen Moore
• Gary Rhodes
• Jonathan Miller
• Clive James
• Shelley Morrison
• Bob Willis
• René Auberjonois
• Marie Fredriksson
• David Bellamy
• Neil Innes
• Tony Britton
• 
  

The Tories 1st 24 hours

At the start of the Tories campaign:

- Rees Smugg says the victims of Grenfell died because they were too stupid

- He was defended by James Not-Very-Clever-ly

- They released a 'Fake News' video of Kier Starmer

- Welsh 1st minister endorsed candidate who sabotaged rape trial & lied about knowing about it

- Said minister had to resign 

- A PPC tweeted that people on benefits should be put down

- The PM said he didn't want an election despite asking for an election 4 times

- Getting into a row about a covering-up on Russian meddling in elections

And that's all in the first 24 hours!

#ItsAllGoingSwimmingly