The year of the pig

Oxfordshire news: one prominent local gets quite excited after hearing about the Chinese New Year...

The Disgraced Former Defence Secretary

The disgraced former Defence Secretary, Liam Fox, has been round the world nearly the same number of times as an astronaut on the ISS.

They're doing something useful. The only thing Lying Liam has managed is to increase his waistline after a lot of rich meals in between begging.


[Update: Lousy Liam has signed a memorandum of continuation with economic pwerhouse ... err the Faroe Islands.]

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the fuck office ...

• The disgraced former defence secretary claimed that Leaving EU without a deal is 'survivable'.*

• Another bunch of cretins got together to discuss the 'alternative arrangements' - the so-called 'Malthouse Compromise". Pretty much all of which have already been shot down as either 'cakeism', wishful thinking or plain non-existent.

• Nutty Nadine Dorries mixed-up 2 completely different black women and then tried to cast herself as the victim.

• Over at the MOD Private Pike said he was going to deploy Navy ships to replace ferries. Apparently nobody has told him that RN boats are not designed to carry lorries.

• The HMRC said, to stop Dover becoming gridlocked all lorries could just come in and declare the arrival of goods later (between one & five days later) so ....

• 2016's: "Take Back Control of our borders" (which we never actually lost) has morphed into ...

• 2019: "We can't be fucked with all that control malarkey so we're reclassifying all smugglers, organised or otherwise (like our wonderful ferryless ferry companies) as new independent businesses that we are keen to support to grow our booming economy."

It's only Wednesday!
*So is an amputation you cretinous fucktard.

Nissan

At the weekend Nissan confirmed rumours that they weren't going to build the X-Trail in Sunderland after all (and after this the terms of the bribe the government had offered in 2016- some £60-8bn).

This tweet from the Leave loonies hasn't aged well ...

Record breaking the Maybot way.

You have to say that Maybot is really going for her footnote in history:

- the 1st government to throw away a majority on an unneeded election (to "Crush the saboteurs") 

- 1st to blatantly bribe a xenophobic, homophobic bunch of cretins with a billion quid

- 1st UK government to be directly criticised by the UN Special Rapporteur on Poverty for austerity policies 

- the 1st government ever to be found in contempt of Parliament 

- the biggest defeat ever in Parliamentary history

- EVER!

- the 1st premier to back a vote against her own flagship policy 

- 1st government to award a ferry contract to a company with no ferries, outside of the normal procurement rules, due to "unforseen circumstances"

- 1st government to panic-buy fridges to store medicines 

- 1st government to contemplate martial law & curfews against its own citizens outside of wartime

And yet she clings on to the trappings of power when any one or more of the above should have finished her toxic administration

There are glues and limpets, as yet unknown to science, that have less ability to hang on than our lame-duck stand-in for Johnson/Mogg/Gove/Javid/Mordant/Leadsom/Rudd/Raab etc.

She'll seemingly do anything, for anyone from the ERG, just to stay in Downing Street for one more week.

#InOfficeButNotInPower

Tusk sets the cat amongst the pigeons

There are 50 days left until the UK's exit from the European Union, following the decision and the will of the UK authorities. I know that still a very great number of people in the UK, and on the continent, as well as in Ireland, wish for a reversal of this decision. I have always been with you, with all my heart. But the facts are unmistakable. At the moment, the pro-Brexit stance of the UK Prime Minister, and the Leader of the Opposition, rules out this question. Today, there is no political force and no effective leadership for remain. I say this without satisfaction, but you can't argue with the facts.

Today our most important task is to prevent a no deal scenario. I would, once again, like to stress that the position of the EU27 is clear, as expressed in the documents agreed with the UK government – that is the Withdrawal Agreement and the Political Declaration – and the EU27 is not making any new offer. Let me recall that the December European Council decided that the Withdrawal Agreement is not open for re-negotiation. I hope that tomorrow we will hear from Prime Minister May a realistic suggestion on how to end the impasse, in which the process of the orderly withdrawal of the UK from the EU has found itself, following the latest votes in the House of Commons.

The top priority for us, remains the issue of the border on the island of Ireland, and the guarantee to maintain the peace process in accordance with the Good Friday Agreement. There is no room for speculation here. The EU itself is first and foremost a peace project. We will not gamble with peace; or put a sell-by date on reconciliation. And this is why we insist on the backstop. Give us a believable guarantee for peace in Northern Ireland, and the UK will leave the EU as a trusted friend. I hope that the UK government will present ideas that will both respect this point of view and, at the same time, command a stable and clear majority in the House of Commons. I strongly believe that a common solution is possible, and I will do everything in my power to find it.

A sense of responsibility also tells us to prepare for a possible fiasco. The Taoiseach and I have spoken about the necessary actions in case of no deal; I know that you will also be discussing this shortly with the European Commission.

By the way, I've been wondering what that special place in hell looks like, for those who promoted Brexit, without even a sketch of a plan how to carry it out safely. Thank you.

Predictably the last part (despite being demonstrably true) angered the #Brexshitters hugely.

Hell-bound simpleton Awful Andrea attacked Donald Tusk & said he should apologise.
This from a brain-free shitgoblin whose own colleagues routinely refer to the EU as Nazi's & call Tusk a drunk (and worse). I wonder when the witless wankpuffin will be apologising for that?

Farage & his fuckwit fellow travellers have been unnecessarily rude about the EU in general, and Tusk in particular, for years (see references to the EU as Nazi prison guards for example) & now the witless wankpuffins are upset when the a gentle jibe come back their way.

Peter Bonehead complained in parliament and, amusingly, got labelled a "delicate flower" by the Speaker Bercow.
What a bunch of bloody #snowflakes!

I suspect that the real reason the #Brexshitters like Bonehead & Dreadsome are so upset is because, deep in the wizened walnut of their heart, they know Tusk is right.

2019 Death List

• Dianne Oxberry
• Dick Miller
• Windsor Davies
• Jeremy Hardy
• Albert Finney
• Gordon Banks