Quite Interesting Facts

• Ping-pong was originally called ping-pong, not whiff-whaff, as London's top smeghead, Boris Johnson, publicly claimed at the Beijing Olympics.

• There's a town in Uruguay called Fray Bentos.

• Peeling sticky tape emits X-rays.

• Robin Gibb has never watched 'Saturday Night Fever' all the way through.

• The Smurfs have sold more than 10 million albums in the last three years.

• Valerie Singleton not only had a fling with Peter Purves, but fancied John Noakes (yuk!)

• Henry V invented passports.

Pictures

Went to see the framed and mounted pictures at the hospital last night - they look really good in the posh frames.

Hope the patients and staff enjoy them.

And they are supposed to be the brightest ... Part 2

A phone call last week from a knob-head yank asking how much a graduation photo was. Said it would vary depending on the size and quantity, something that he had great difficulty understanding. Had to explain (slowly) that one small picture would cost less than ten big ones .... was on the point of trying to explain using apples instead of photographs when he rang off, presumably because he realised he'd made himself sound like an utter wanker.

It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the fact that these mental trolls are supposed to be the brightest students in the world. They are going to form the worlds future business, community and political elite.

God help us all .......

Breaking (well, broken) News!

The photographs have taken to the walls of clinic K2 at Addenbrookes Hospital in Cambridge.

Woo, and indeed, hoo!

Weddings - Part 3

Here's a couple of photos from the weddings, which I did on the inkjet at work and framed in some nice teak frames. Pete & Lynda on the left, Sarah & Charlie on the right.

Weddings - Part 2

Pete & Lynda's Wedding - 06/09/08

This was a far more low-key affair than the previous week, held in the register office up Castle Hill.  Lou was Pete's best man and had the onerous job of getting me to look after the rings.  As photographer I got a good seat at the front.  It's a shame I couldn't take photos during the ceremony as the look of fear on Pete's face (despite, or perhaps because, it being his second time) would have made a great shot - as it turned out he had good reason to be worried....

After the obligatory 'singing the book shots' I dodged out into the corridor and got some pictures of them leaving together with their marriage certificate.  I planned to take the formal shots round the big tree on Castle Mound but was beaten to it (they were still messing about when we finished 30 minutes later).  After a quick chat with Pete I placed him and Lynda by some conifer's as Lynda had a pale white suit on.  I got them to kiss and hug which worked quite well, particularly with the dark background. As it was overcast I did try the reflector but it was a bit too windy to use effectively.

Did some of the B&G, best man & maid of honour before we retired to the pub for a celebratory pint or two. Whilst people were chatting I took plenty of individual shots before climbing up to the mezzanine and taking wider group shots. Went to the Crown Plaza for dinner and took photos of the room etc (due to Lou & Sarah getting stuck in traffic and only turning up as the food was being served we ended up at the back of the room). After the nosh (very nice and certainly better than the stuff served at the Royal Cambridge the week before) did photos of the cake, Pete & Lynda attempting to cut it and people laughing at their attempts.  I also spotted the kids playing so took several of them as well.

Most people drifted off, leaving some bottles of red wine that Lynda appropriated.  The previous week she'd said that I had to get some shots of her bum at the wedding and I jokingly reminded her of this. She laughed and then climbed onto the table and proceeded to flash her pants - had to be quick to get this shot as she was wobbling around (as was the table).  It was not long after this that she retired to a room in the hotel with another bottle of red wine.  She actually missed the evening do as she was rather ill, all over her white suit (which at least covered some of the wine stains) .... I guess she was "missing in action" for the Chinese meal, leaving Pete to make conversation with people he'd never met.

Things to remember:

* Try and keep an eye on the event and look for candid's.

* I'd discovered that can make a book up in Aperture so compose some of the shots with this in mind.

* Don't try and open a large reflector in the wind and close to your face (you'll get it in the mush).

* Look at what they bride and groom are wearing and attempt to find a contrasting background.

* Don't listen to James urgings to take shots of cleavage - you'll only end up having to delete them prior to doing the contact sheets.

* Keep Lynda away from red wine .....

Weddings - Part 1

Sarah & Charlie's wedding - 30/08/08

I was a bit nervous about this as I'd been volunteered by Lou to be the 'official' photographer.  As I couldn't get into the Royal Cambridge Hotel to check out the venue I got a large reflector disc, checked the flash worked and hoped for the best.  As it happened the day was really sunny so the reflector wasn't needed.  The manager of the hotel was, frankly, a pain in the rectum - kept getting his head in the way of the lens, pi**ing about and being a general nuisance.

After the ceremony and 'signing the book' shots we went across the road to the Leys school.  As it was really sunny I did the formal shots under the trees (giving the wrinklies some shade). The "Reservoir Bridegroom" shots cam out pretty well: all standing about in shades looking in different directions.  In fact it looked so good the bride and co demanded that I did the same with them!  For the next shots I got the bridal party to link arms and walk away from the camera, turn round and walk back - this provoked some laughter (people turning the wrong way, despite being linked) and provided some excellent shots.

There is an old stone staircase at the Leys so I got Sarah & Charlie to climb up and took some pictures of them looking through the 'windows' and then got the bridesmaids and groomsmen up as well. On a visit to the school earlier in the week, we'd noticed a "School Shop' sign above the entrance to the staircase so we got some lollies and handed them to Charlie and his mates and got them to pose like overgrown kids (they didn't need much, if any, encouragement!).  It was a bit of a silly idea but the lads played along and the photos are really good/quirky.  After that it was back to the hotel to be greeted by Pimms, eating, photographing the speeches etc.  I also managed to get the bouquet flying across the car park.

Things to remember (4 next time):

* Get people to lean towards the central figure(s) as this creates a sense of intimacy and focuses the image better.

* If the bridesmaids are wearing low-cut tops (and especially if they are 'top heavy') try to discourage them from bending over too much!

* keep an eye out for 'reportage' shots using a long-ish lens to shoot from a distance without disturbing the subject - great for shooting kids or those who hate being photographed.

* Try and keep an eye on how much your other half/assistant is imbibing - I didn't and had to deal with a very "tired and emotional" Lou .....

The Sporting Weekend

The last time Hull beat Arsenal in the league was in 1915 - beer cost 3p a pint and the Women's Institute was founded.

The last time Tottenham had such a bad start to the season was 1955 - the year that the US sent the first advisors to Vietnam and the year that Rosa Parks started the civil rights movement.

Massa driving off with the fuel line attached wasn't fantastically mirth-inducing either (and the sight of corpulent mechanics running down the pit-lane didn't in any way cause chortling)!

Just a quick note to say that the email address of the site has changed (due to continuing problems accessing the address that came with the site) to icphotographsdotcom@gmail.com

Well the holidays are over and it's back to work in the rain ..... boo!

Have also done a few weddings - more details on these when I get a moment.

Sport v The Olympics

I've always had a nagging doubt over the Olympics: how is twatting about with a ribbon consistent with the origins of the games?

I think I have thought of the answer to this conundrum - use the 'higher, faster, further' maxim.  

In short, the only events allowed in the main games are those where there is an objective method of measurement of which competitor is the best.  Whoever runs fastest, shoots more clay pigeons, scores the most goals etc will win a gold medal, the next best gets a silver and so on.  These would be deemed as sports.

Any events where the result is open to 'interpretation' (and abuse) will be barred from the main games.  Those events which depend on some judges deciding whether who won (on the basis of whether their toe was 1/20th of a degree out of line while spinning upside-down) would become a exhibition or fringe event.

For those who say that's unfair to exclide 'artistic events, I ask where should we stop? Should flower arranging be an Olympic event (it's open to interpretation)?  What about wood-carving, ballroom dancing or parachuting? Why not include surfing, kite-flying or gardening ..... ?

So twatting about with a ribbon or waving your legs/arsehole out of the pool would no longer count and we can all concentrate on trying to guess which runner has taken what......

(Rant over)

Good news everyone!

As Professor Farnsworth might say.



I've had contact from Addenbrookes Hospital asking if they can use some of my photographs in the new treatment unit.



More information when I get it :-)

The Zen Guide To Life

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of
me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either, in fact just
f**k off and leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a
flat tyre.

3. The darkest hour comes just before dawn. So if you're going to
steal your neighbour's milk and newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Sex is like air. It only becomes really important if you aren't
getting any.

5. Don't aspire to be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you
can't be promoted.

6. Remember that nobody is listening until you fart.

7. Remember that you are unique, just like everybody else.

8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

9. if you think that nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try
missing a couple of mortgage payments.

10. If you find that you never succeed at the first attempt, avoid
skydiving.

11. Have you ever lent somebody £20 and you never see them again? It
was probably worth every penny.

12. Some days we are flies, some days we are windscreens.

13. Remember it only seems kinky the first time.

14. Good judgement comes from experience, experience comes from bad
judgement.

15. A closed mouth gathers no feet.

16. There are two theories about how to win an argument with a woman.
Neither one works.

17. Experience is something you never have until just after you really
need it.

18. We are born naked, wet and hungry and we get smacked on the bum.
From there on in, life gets worse.

19. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

20. Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark
side, and it holds the universe together.

21. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a
laxative on the same night.

22. Be nice to your children. They'll choose your nursing home.

23. A day without sunshine is like night.

24. A bird in the hand will, inevitably, poo on your wrist.

25. The man who claims to be the boss in his own home will lie about
other things as well.

26. Wedding anniversaries are always closer than they appear on the
calendar.

27. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
warning to others.

New photos

Well the photographs have finally been added to the icphotographs.com website - hope you like them :-)

Thought 4 The Day:



Never take life seriously.



Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Been away for a few days, mostly looking at the rain :-(

Haven't been able to put new pictures on the icphotographs website as I've 'misplaced' the USB stick that had them on .... I think one of the cats must have hidden it.

Hopefully I'll either find it in the next day or so or I'll get a new stick and put them on again.

And they are supposed to be the brightest ...

Overheard during Cambridge University's general admission at the photography sales tent:

"How big is a 6 by 4 picture?"

Take a fecking guess numb-nutts! 

It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the fact that these mental trolls are supposed to be the brightest students in the world.  They are going to form the worlds future business, community and political elite.

God help us all .......

Coming soon

Hopefully in the next few days there will be a few more pictures added to the icphotographs website, specifically to the Cambridge and London sections. I will also add the pictures to the 'personal' website (http://www.iannlou.me.uk).

The actual timing of the uploads will depend on how long is spent wasting time in the University's general admission ceremony - 12 hour days selling stuff to mongbatz, many of whom can't find their bum with 2 hands and an atlas ......

Questions of the day

• What was the best thing before sliced bread?

• Why when people ask "what three things would you take with you on a desert island?" no one ever replies, "A boat."

A new blog dawns

Hi this is the first entry of the brand spanking new blog ... hope you enjoy.